The only hard truth in this life is death; no-one can prove it wrong. Usually it comes when a body gets saturated, but sometimes a life faces it before its saturation. We can see, some people also invite it to grab them because of their frustration level against their desiredness. There is also certain people, who are invariably ditching their self-annihilating thoughts when they forcibly get into the frustration. May be I am one of them. Sometimes my intuition tells me to sleep peacefully for-ever. But I am not that weak, who will destroy himself so easily with-out doing anything for his dreams.
That day was not so special but was a Saturday & due to some reasons I was in a hard frustration. The thoughts of lost love, unemployment, loneliness were crawling my mind. It was almost 11 o’clock in the morning. Due to frustration my heart was pumping so fastly. I was feeling like breathing but could not feel my heart inside. I was missing something inside mine. All my fingers were holding my thumb so tightly, and sometimes my thumb was also repeatedly rubbing them curiously. Repeatedly they were showing their supports to restrict my intuition to die. I was going mad. I could feel the weight of my head. With tension I was roaming corner to corner. I could feel the flow of blood in my veins. These were giving me the feelings of being lonelier in every second. I was dying inside me. I was feeling like cursed, I was cursed with some deadly sins.
In that very moment someone unknown knocked the door.
‘Thak Thaak’ ‘Thak Thaak’.
‘Thak Thaak’ ‘Thak Thaak’.
As the pleasant sound entered into my ear-drum, my thoughts came out from my mind, in a very sudden. That gave me a sensation of being alive.
I opened the door. As I opened, that outside cold air was forcibly started entering into my room. Only my body was restricting them for doing so. With the touch of that cold air, a different sensation was started running over my body. Even started working on my mind. The thoughts were going vanished. I could realize the reason of getting frustration.
That was a water-supplier. I took the can and kept it inside. Even without sharing a single word I handed over the money to him. And he left. I came outside, to the balcony, to breathe the cold air, to revamp my thoughts. After spending some time outside, I planned to go for a walk. I had a bath and then picked up my wallet, set the headphone into my ear & started for a long walk.
Saturday afternoon. Road was completely crowded. Ice-cream parlors, dosa corners, all were surrounded by hot cheeks, beautiful legs, and sexy figures. Most of them were busy spending times with their BFs. Some were alone and some were with their friends. I was trying to divert my mind by looking at them. But I could not. I thought to have an ice-cream but suddenly an old-man sitting on the roadside captured my attention. He was having no legs, was sitting on a hand-crafted cart. Looking little dusty, torn clothes, hairs were not combed, seemed like he had not taken a bath since long. The thing that captured my attention was, he was not begging like other beggars, he was just simply sitting there. His face was showing a frustration a hater to life. He was counting the coins which were not enough for a lunch also. He was counting those again and again.
I don’t know how, but all my frustration all my thoughts had gone vanished from my mind after seeing that old man. My mom usually tells me to help the inabilities, to those who are old. She is a sensitive woman, and a best mom. I don’t know, she usually helps those types of people or not, but every time she gives me advices to do so. So I thought to give some money to that old man. But later I preferred to buy a lunch instead. I brought some chapatti, dal and sabji. I came back to him. Bent down. Cause I am a 5 feet 11 inch guy, and he was sitting on his cart and I did not want to give him a feeling of being disable. The only thing I was expecting from him was a smile. As I handed over the polythene to him, curiously he opened it. After finding some foods inside it, he looked at me. He uttered some word, but I could not understand. That was a different language what I didn’t know. He was trying to make a contact with my eyes. But I could not. I saw some drops of tears were coming out of his eye sockets. Still he was looking at me. He was trying to touch my face. He became so emotional.
Normally when two people with same emotion with same sorrow meet each other, they see themselves inside the other one. May be that was the reason he attracted my attention and in emotion he was trying to touch my face. I didn’t know, what others were thinking about the scene. But I didn’t care. I could not resist my tears. Even the whole day I was upset, I was struggling for an inner peace, crawling with frustration. May be that was the reason why I could not resist my tears. I controlled myself. It was a road-side scene. I felt embraced. And I left the place immediately.
When I was returning to my home, I was only thinking about him. His tears, his face. They gave me a thousand answers for my frustration. I learnt so many things from him. I was started feeling my heart, inside me. I could sense what I was doing in the morning. That Morning, I had closed the door and was trying for a suicide. In heavy frustration, I was searching for a way to suicide when the water-supplier broke my thoughts by knocking the door. By heart I gave a thanks to that supplier and to god for saving my life. I felt guilty for my deed activity.
Again my thoughts took my mind to that old-man.
That man was having nothing. No family, No home, No friends, No legs. Still he was living his life without any complain. Still he was respecting the order of god. He had accepted his frustration. He had accepted his tears. He had accepted the world. He had accepted his life.
But he was not trying to suicide like me. He was just waiting for the next order from the nature from the God.
He was just waiting for a death, and just waiting for a natural death.